The Year of Yeah, Not so Much...

So in my last post I wrote about how I was going to just go out with anyone who asked me - because you never know who the person is. First impressions are very important, but what if the guy is having a bad day, or he just heard that an ex-girlfriend was getting married, or he is just socially awkward? I think I need to account for these things.

Cut to today: I am on my way into my part-time job at a local mall, and it's about 90 degrees out. I am required to wear all black in some format, and today I've chosen a skirt and a light top. It is NOT my sexiest outfit by far, but it is comfortable, lightweight, and fashionable so I am trying my hardest to rock it with some nice accessories and sexy make-up. I notice as I am walking into the mall that I am being checked out - scratch that, shamelessly eye-fucked - by a tall thin black man who is crossing my path. I take in his lanky frame, eyeglasses, and red and white striped shirt and immediately think to myself that if Waldo of "Where's Waldo?" fame was black, this guy would have been the inspiration.

As we are going into separate entrances, I assume that it was a harmless drive-by mind undressing and keep on walking, when I hear "Excuse me!" faintly behind me. I quicken my pacce and try to ignore it, thinking that if I can just get around Bebe, then I'll be OK. But oh no, this guy made every effort to catch up, calling "Excuse me, beautiful!!" The diva in me really wanted me to ignore this dude and keep walking, but the polite lady in me (yes, she's there) made me slow to an almost stop and half turn around. Waldo trotted over to me and said "Yo, beautiful, where you going to work looking so sexy? I want to come shop there...you so beautiful."

Now, the sentiment was nice - but something about the whole exchange just didn't sit well with me. Maybe it was the fact that after he said the above dialogue, he held his phone to his mouth and said "Yo, let me hit you back." What the hell? I don't even want my friends to see emails I write to boys I like, let alone hear me "in action." Or maybe it was his fucking WWW - Where's Waldo Wardrobe. Or maybe it was just that I didn't think he was attractive. Whatever...don't care.

The point is that I can't go out with everyone who asks me. I just can't. I have to set some rules - and then I swear, I will stick to them 100%.

Rule #1 - I will not go out with anyone who is outside of a reasonable age bracket. I have definitely been with younger guys before, but hooking up with a 19 year-0ld when you're 25 is a lot different than doing it when you're 30. And I've been with older guys as well, but when I think of anyone older than like 36, 37-ish, all I can think of is old, saggy, wrinkly balls. I am sorry - but it is true. So let's say that I will date guys who are 27-36.

Rule #2 - I will at least respond to everyone who emails me via match.com. Even if we don't hang out or date, at least I (kinda) gave them a chance.

Rule #3 - I will not respond to dudes who send me any kind of dirty messages. I love dirty talk, sexting, etc - but in the initial communication? You'd better be fucking hot to have that kind of nerve, but you'd be better off directing it towards girls who wear mini-skirts and no underwear or heavy liquid eyeliner.

Rule #4 - I will only go out with guys who I am physically attracted to. I can't be dating any guys who are not appealing to my eyes. Period.

With rules in place, I actually feel a little bit better about this endeavor. I can't go from being ridiculously picky to having absolutely no standards. Today was my first live day of this online dating scene and I cannot wait to see what I will have in my lap in the a.m!