Same Brain and Pet Names

One of the most fun parts of the initial stages of dating is when you are learning about each other and discovering what you have in common - I call this "Same Brain." You realize that you both love horror movies, key lime pie, roller coasters, agree that Alanis Morissette is the most annoying 90s icon, and can't believe that you met someone with the "same brain" as you. However, while it's fun to have that stuff in common, and it definitely makes you feel connected to this new other person, it's superficial. I was so into someone for a long time just because he knew as much, if not more, than I did about pop culture - in fact I was convinced (for a hot minute) that we were soul mates. So embarrassing now. I got every single one of his "Diff'rent Strokes" references (there were a LOT), and we would often text each other random trivia questions during the day. When it came down to it, the guy was a total douche and my infatuation with his interest in current minutiae really shouldn't have kept me hanging out with him as long as it did. It turned out that not only did we not have the same brain, but my heart was about 1000 times bigger than his. But we live and we learn - and this is why I am still very cautious about "liking" guys just because we have the same taste in sushi, alcoholic beverages, and reality TV.

That being said, it's one of the things I love the most about dating and the main driver in the novelty of a new relationship, and today, I experienced some of that with...wait for it...the Pro Arm Wrestler. I know that the last thing I posted about him was that he sent me a two word email that a caveman could have written (Sorry, Geico guys) after I sent him a thoughtful and personalized email, and I was annoyed. So when I responded, I suggested he send me an instant message or give me a call so that we could actually talk and not email endlessly.

He texted me this morning and while I think texting with people I don't know is kind of bizarre, I was busy today and it was a convenient way for us to have some preliminary banter before our first date - which there will definitely be, and here's why. I asked him something about his job and he said something along the lines of "I guess you didn't read the email I sent you." When I told him all I had gotten from him was the infamous "What up?" note, he sent (or resent) me a very lengthy, very well-written email that had answered all of my original questions and offered up even more information. He said he had sent it a few days before, but I had never received it for some reason...damn you, match.com! Anyway, I read it and was instantly charmed - he seemed nice, normal, genuine, and even funny. So we texted back and forth for a while, conversationally, and we have quite a few things in common - but, of course, it's all surface stuff. We both love 80s music, mint chocolate chip ice cream, and hate clubs as opposed to bars or lounges. But he is looking to settle down, and I am clearly not there yet - I mean, I am dating people for a blog, but I said I would have an open mind and I do. I am really excited to meet him and see if he's as cool in person as he is via texting and email.

But - and there's always a but - I am totally turned off by his constant (ab)use of terms of endearment. Every email ends with something about "sweetie," "cutie," "sexy," "baby," or some other word that it is completely crazy to use wth someone you haven't even met yet. While pet names are fine in moderation, I think that guys who use them so early in the game may be trying to force a sense of intimacy, and may be too eager to just get into a relationship. It's just something I've noticed about other guys I've dated, and so I am wary of this as a warning sign. I also think that these kinds of names are better in private, and that it's irritating when you stop saying the other person's name and instead call them some saccharine excuse for a nickname All. The. Time. Not to mention that this guy hasn't even laid eyes on me yet, and vice versa. What if we meet and the chemistry isn't there, or we aren't attracted to each other, or if he chews with his mouth open and I swear too much? Prior use of "baby doll" may be embarrassing for him at that point, and so, I think I might have to say something - I am an honest person, and I just can't keep cringing every time I see one of these ridiculous monikers and not tell him. I have to be upfront and that's what I'm going to do.

Once we start talking on the phone. Fucking internet dating.