I'm a Gemini - We're Supposed to Multitask!

So I took a night to think about the multitasking (and also about the anonymous reader who suggested that I communicate with no less than 4 but no more than 7 guys at once - 7!!) and feel a bit more prepared to really dive in. I got onto eharmony and sent my 2nd and final round of questions to the guy who was pleasant but kind of blah - it's the last step before we start emailing on our own - like big boys and girls! I also sent emails to two seemingly normal and interesting guys who "winked" at me on match and said "No Thanks" (what a convenient little button!) to three guys who 1) were outside of my chosen age range by 8 years, 2) were outside of my dating range by 25 miles, and 3) had a bunch of pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend (it was obvious it wasn't his sister, before you suggest it). If my ex-boyfriend included a bunch of photos of me on his dating profile, I'd probably give him a swift kick in the babymaker.

So if all of these people write back to me, and if Grammar Guy stops sucking, I will be communicating with 5 guys at once. I think that's a little more like what I am supposed to be doing here. But I have to say, I'm getting a little bit stressed out. What if...just what if...I hit it off with someone and I am totally swept off my feet? What would I do? Would I tell the other guys to hit the road? Would I tell the man of my current dreams that we met because I was doing an "experiment?" Would I hide my match profile while we were dating, and therefore automatically lose the chance to get the extra 6 months free, or would I keep dating other people to maintain the integrity of this blog, and be dangerously close to wandering into "cheating" territory? Yes, I know I am getting ahead of myself, but I have to think about these things so I can have a plan of action should the time come. Any suggestions?

In other news, I finally did tell Pro Arm Wrestler that I was uncomfortable with his affection for affectionate nicknames, and he was totally cool with it. He even said that it's made him uncomfortable when women do it to him - so that's a relief. If I got one more text with "sweetie" or "sexy" in it, when he really has no idea if I'm sweet (kind of) or sexy (um, obviously), I was going to scream, and the non-stop cringing was starting to give me wrinkles. He asked me to have drinks this coming Sunday night, but unfortunately I have to work. It's a bummer too - Sundays are the best nights for blind dates. Since most people have to work the next day, no one gets hammered schmammered, and in turn the chances of a drunken first date hookup which will then ruin any chance of a real relationship forming are exponentially slimmer than if you went out on a Friday, Saturday, or even a Thursday. On the flip side, if your date does get hammered schmammered despite having to work the next day and tries to have sex to you, then congratulations, friend - you've just weeded out a loser.

Updates on the new guys to come as soon as I have something to share!

Grammar Guy is Kind of Boring

I feel mean saying this, but Grammar Guy is kind of boring. One of my girlfriends said "Well, he likes proper grammar..." but I also like proper grammar, and I don't think that I'm boring. OK so maybe I don't like it like it, but I am definitely into it.

I have given him a couple of opportunities to talk - we IMed for a little while on Monday, and it was certainly pleasant, but I don't know that there was really a connection. I mean, granted, not everyone can "connect" while speaking via an electronic medium, but I was expecting at least a little bit of "same brain" to happen. It didn't. Then yesterday I shot him another IM. What a damn drag. It was the most boring conversation, and we didn't even say goodbye to each other. Where is the witty guy who sent me a charming email this past Sunday? I'd love to know what the eff happened to the Original Grammar Guy because I liked him.

So I am going to give it a few more tries - I think the funny guy has to be in there, and I want to make it my mission to pull him out of there. I feel like I've been giving an awful lot of attention to the Pro Arm Wrestler (who may need a new nickname because we haven't really spoken about it at all), and that's probably just because he's easy to talk to and we have a lot in common. This project is about expanding my horizons, about breaking my past cycles of dating the same guys over and over, and here I am back in the same pattern. I need to be fair to the multiples.

Truth be told, I've kind of been neglecting other people who have been emailing me and sending winks - I don't think I'm all that good at multitasking, but I said I would at least respond to everyone. I need to get refocused, and not be scared to communicate with more than just one or two people at once. I can do this.

Fakers and Frauds

I have received two communications, in the last two days, from guys who clearly cut out their "profile pictures" from some catalog. Some of the pictures were black and white, some were color, sometimes the guys were shirtless, sometimes they were wearing a flannel shirt, and all had chiseled jawlines and perfect teeth.

I can only imagine that someone who felt that no woman would want to talk to them based on their real profile picture and so posted one of a nameless male model, must either be incredibly insecure about their appearance, or they are frighteningly unattractive. I can't even begin to think about how incredibly awkward it would be to start up a communication with one of these dudes, thinking they looked like a gorgeous handsome man, and then when you finally meet and someone who looks completely different (in a bad way) shows up. What the hell do you say?

I am adding a new rule that I don't have to go out with anyone who is obviously a fraud. And if you don't like it, then you can go out with the pseudo-Abercrombie man.

Same Brain and Pet Names

One of the most fun parts of the initial stages of dating is when you are learning about each other and discovering what you have in common - I call this "Same Brain." You realize that you both love horror movies, key lime pie, roller coasters, agree that Alanis Morissette is the most annoying 90s icon, and can't believe that you met someone with the "same brain" as you. However, while it's fun to have that stuff in common, and it definitely makes you feel connected to this new other person, it's superficial. I was so into someone for a long time just because he knew as much, if not more, than I did about pop culture - in fact I was convinced (for a hot minute) that we were soul mates. So embarrassing now. I got every single one of his "Diff'rent Strokes" references (there were a LOT), and we would often text each other random trivia questions during the day. When it came down to it, the guy was a total douche and my infatuation with his interest in current minutiae really shouldn't have kept me hanging out with him as long as it did. It turned out that not only did we not have the same brain, but my heart was about 1000 times bigger than his. But we live and we learn - and this is why I am still very cautious about "liking" guys just because we have the same taste in sushi, alcoholic beverages, and reality TV.

That being said, it's one of the things I love the most about dating and the main driver in the novelty of a new relationship, and today, I experienced some of that with...wait for it...the Pro Arm Wrestler. I know that the last thing I posted about him was that he sent me a two word email that a caveman could have written (Sorry, Geico guys) after I sent him a thoughtful and personalized email, and I was annoyed. So when I responded, I suggested he send me an instant message or give me a call so that we could actually talk and not email endlessly.

He texted me this morning and while I think texting with people I don't know is kind of bizarre, I was busy today and it was a convenient way for us to have some preliminary banter before our first date - which there will definitely be, and here's why. I asked him something about his job and he said something along the lines of "I guess you didn't read the email I sent you." When I told him all I had gotten from him was the infamous "What up?" note, he sent (or resent) me a very lengthy, very well-written email that had answered all of my original questions and offered up even more information. He said he had sent it a few days before, but I had never received it for some reason...damn you, match.com! Anyway, I read it and was instantly charmed - he seemed nice, normal, genuine, and even funny. So we texted back and forth for a while, conversationally, and we have quite a few things in common - but, of course, it's all surface stuff. We both love 80s music, mint chocolate chip ice cream, and hate clubs as opposed to bars or lounges. But he is looking to settle down, and I am clearly not there yet - I mean, I am dating people for a blog, but I said I would have an open mind and I do. I am really excited to meet him and see if he's as cool in person as he is via texting and email.

But - and there's always a but - I am totally turned off by his constant (ab)use of terms of endearment. Every email ends with something about "sweetie," "cutie," "sexy," "baby," or some other word that it is completely crazy to use wth someone you haven't even met yet. While pet names are fine in moderation, I think that guys who use them so early in the game may be trying to force a sense of intimacy, and may be too eager to just get into a relationship. It's just something I've noticed about other guys I've dated, and so I am wary of this as a warning sign. I also think that these kinds of names are better in private, and that it's irritating when you stop saying the other person's name and instead call them some saccharine excuse for a nickname All. The. Time. Not to mention that this guy hasn't even laid eyes on me yet, and vice versa. What if we meet and the chemistry isn't there, or we aren't attracted to each other, or if he chews with his mouth open and I swear too much? Prior use of "baby doll" may be embarrassing for him at that point, and so, I think I might have to say something - I am an honest person, and I just can't keep cringing every time I see one of these ridiculous monikers and not tell him. I have to be upfront and that's what I'm going to do.

Once we start talking on the phone. Fucking internet dating.

An Answered Prayer?

I am both a grammar and spelling nerd. I spend more time than I care to admit either cringing at, or correcting, my friends' incorrect uses of your vs. you're. Do not even get me started on "their, they're and there." But this is who I am, and I am unashamed of my penchant for proper English.

So you can imagine my delight when I received an email from a guy on match.com who included in his own profile that he thinks that "proper grammar is sexy." I know this makes me a total loser...but I don't care.

This guy is nice-looking (judging from his couple of pictures), a few inches taller than me, a few years older than me, and seems intelligent, laid back, and funny. Could he be the lucky man to win the honor of being the first date I document on this blog? I emailed him back quickly and texted a girlfriend his Match "handle" so she could scope him out and give me her opinion. (No, I don't need approval from my friends about the guys I date - but a second pair of eyes is never a bad idea.)

In any case, I am anxiously awaiting my next email from Grammar Guy, and not just because I know everything will be spelled correctly!

Dear eHarmony...

Dear eHarmony,

I appreciate your efforts to hand pick the best matches for me, and I am beginning to (kind of) understand why people say that your services are better than match.com and so, worth the extra money for a subscription,

That being said, please oh please stop sending me matches with a 5:1 ratio of guys who are 5'7" or shorter. I am a tall person - and this was on the 800-question screening survey that you required I fill out, so I know you know - and I like to wear heels occasionally, so this will just not do.

I do not have anything against short men - in fact, I have been with a handful of them, and recognize that they work harder (in many ways) than guys who stand taller. However, I hate towering over people, and men who I am dating in particular. In addition, nothing screams "Internet Date in Progress!" to onlookers than a tall woman and a man who barely clears her breasts, and I would prefer that these dates be as inconspicuous as possible.

If you could please rectify this and begin sending me matches who are at least my height, I would be forever thankful.

Sincerely,
The Dater

Undissed

So it is Friday night and I am home in bed already. What did I do today that would leave me so exhausted? I recovered from a hangover, got a mani-pedi with one of my girlfriends, and then had some dinner with her and her boyfriend. I am now in PJs, with a copy of The Great Gatsby in my lap, and I am blogging. Hot stuff. But give me a break, I have a long day tomorrow.

So I was not dissed by the pro arm wrestler. I did receive an email back from him a little while ago that I was excited to read because I thought that I would hear, once and for all, if arm wrestling could, in fact, be professional. This is what it said:

"What up?"

He then signed it with an awkwardly familiar abbreviation of his first name, which I would not be comfortable using even if I were good friends with him. Can he read? I sent a three paragraph email with specific questions regarding his profile and pasttimes. Totally ignored so that he could write "What up?" So weird. Should I write back "Not much" and then sign it with an abbreviation of my own name in a bid to remain consistent? Not sure how to respond to this one.

I got another email this morning on match from a guy who is from eastern Pennsylvania. To be perfectly honest, that's a little bit too far for me, but he is also 4 years outside of my age range. I shouldn't be hung up on age, and I know this - but again, all I can think of is old saggy wrinkly balls. Yikes! On the eHarmony side, I have been communicating with a guy a few years younger who seems, truth be told, a little bit boring, and I am basing this solely on his lackluster profile and mundane answers to the multiple choice questions I've sent him so far.

I know I am only four days into this "project" but I am sincerely hoping that it gets a little spicier, and fast!

Oldies...

One of the major reasons that dating sucks in this day and age is the internet. I know I am writing this blog based almost entirely on internet dating, but hear me out.

Remember back in the day when we would think about a past boyfriend or girlfriend and wonder whatever happened to him or her...and then that would be it? We'd think about it and then move on with our days?

Now if you wonder what happened to someone you used to date/love/sleep with, in a matter of minutes you can see how they look, if they are married, where they are living and/or how many dogs/cats/kids they have. Thanks to the likes of Google, Facebook, myspace, and countless other social networking sites, a moment of pondering the fate of an ex turns into hours of cyberstalking and obsessing. Technology ruins lives - yeah, I said it.

When I think of the countless men I have looked up on the internet, strictly out of curiosity, I am almost embarrassed. Some of them were random one-nighters, and I only remembered their last names because I keep a list of everyone I sleep with. (Do NOT judge.) Some of them were crushes in high school - guys I may never even have spoken to because they were too grungy, or too gorgeous, or too smart. But the bulk of them are, of course, ex-boyfriends. Ex-boyfriends who may not have deserved to have held my hand, let alone be my boyfriend, or ex-boyfriends who I wished I had kept around.

It's like sick self-punishment that leads us to type these peoples' names into our search engines of choice. We are hopeful that the person in question will still be single, even if we ourselves are currently attached, but more times than not they have a new significant other, who we will inevitably spend painful amounts of time scrutinizing and comparing to ourselves. The new girl might have bigger boobs, but her face isn't as pretty as ours is. Or she has terrible taste in clothes. Or maybe, the worst case scenario, she is better educated, better looking, and has a much better job. Nothing good can come out of this kind of masochistic web browsing.

I recently found out (via the magic of Facebook) that a cruel ex-something or other, who was engaged 8 months after we split up and married a year after that is expecting a baby in what appears to be 2 or 3 months. While I have been over this person for quite a long time, and happily so, it still caused a dull pain in the pit of my stomach. I would have been better off not knowing, but I still don't regret that I have the information - it's like I have this need to find out all that I can.

On the flip side of that, someone I dated for three months more than four years ago recently looked me up on Facebook and started sending me instant messages. This person is now married (to a girl he met maybe two months after we stopped seeing each other) with two kids - why is he bothering with me? I will never understand this - is it just because he had the capability to look me up at his fingertips? What did we share that he believed we still had a reason to connect four years later? I just don't get it - and probably never will. I talked to him for a little while, remembering that we did used to have a good time together, but then realized that there was just no point. If he had been a more "meaningful" relationship in my life, then that would be one thing. But the bottom line is that considering we weren't even together one full season of the year, it was completely unethical. I was spending time talking to a married man with whom my only real connection was sex (and also, he made me watch The Big Lebowski, for which I am grateful, if only because I hear people referencing it almost daily). Stupid - so I deleted him as a friend on Facebook, and blocked his screen name.

What gets me is that this should have been a crystal clear hint - but like a total guy, he needed to know what the issue was...because guys can't accept it if you don't want anything to do with them. So he created a new screen name, and IMed me from that one....and I promptly blocked it as well.

I love the internet - I use it to read the news, to read about my favorite celebrities, to get movie times, to look up things I've never heard of, to communicate with loved ones, and now, to date! But sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that it didn't exist so that I could wonder about whatever happened to someone and just leave it at that.

My First Diss?

So I haven't yet heard back from the pro arm wrestler, and it's been 24 hours since I emailed. Sounds like bad news. I haven't even considered, "Maybe he's busy" or "Maybe there was a family emergency" or "Maybe he had to work late and was too tired to email me when he got home." I read He's Just Not That Into You from cover to cover when it came out a few years back, and I follow it like the law. If he was interested he would have emailed me back - especially because, thanks to the features that are included in my "guaranteed" match subscription, I can tell that he has both read my email and logged into Match since I sent it. What changed since he called me "cutie" in his initial email? Who knows? Who cares? The best thing about online dating, in my opinion, is that I don't know any of these people from Adam and so I don't/won't/can't take it personally.

Also, I have a confession. I was thinking about using eharmony before I decided to go with match.com for this "project," but found the required questionnaire you have to fill out (mine took me longer than 30 minutes!) as well as the "guided communication" process to be tedious. Basically the way it works is that based on said questionnaire, they send you a few matches per day, and after you check out their pictures and what they have to say (but let's face it - mainly the pictures), you can decide either to "start communication" or "close the match." In order to start communication, you have to pick out 5 multiple choice form questions ("What would you prefer to do on a Saturday night?," "What is the best description of the way your last romantic relationship ended?," "What kind of a restaurant would you prefer to eat at?") and then send them over to the other person. If they are into you, they answer the questions and then select another five questions to send back to you. You do this a couple of times before you are "allowed" to email each other.

"Closing the match" basically means that you are, in essence, blocking the person from contacting you...ever. Seems harsh right? At the bottom of every profile, there is a little link that says "close match." Once you click on it, you are taken to a list of reasons for cutting your ties with the unfortunate person. They range from "the physical distance between us is to great" to "our religious perspectives do not match" to "I am pursuing another relationship (LIE!)" to the dreaded "other." There is no option for "I am not physically attracted to you" so I can only imagine that when someone selects "other," that's what they really mean.

So my confession is that after I signed up and everything, I decided not to subscribe - that shit is expensive, and I didn't like that I couldn't do my own searches for potential mates and was kind of held hostage by this "guided communication" system and I wasn't into it. However, I got an email last week that said that if I changed my mind and signed up, they would let me do three months for $20/monthly. It seemed like a deal and I am all about bargains - so I did it. As of this past Tuesday, I am so cool that I am signed up to not one, but two! internet dating systems. Excellent.

So far I have received three requests to communicate, and I have responded to all three, which I promised I would do. I haven't seen anyone who really pops my cork in terms of physical appearance or their personality, as shown through their profiles, but you never know. That's the whole point of this blog - you just never know!

Professional Arm Wrestling is a Real Thing?

So I got my first email on match from an Irish guy who kind of reminds me of the Notre Dame leprechaun, but in a good way. He is certainly handsome - and big. Not big fat, but big big. Like there's a picture of him from one of those Strongman competitions, and he's holding a huge metal pipe straight over his head. I wonder how he will feel about my lack of enthusiasm where the gym is concerned. He also cites professional arm wrestling as an interest/pasttime - and I am not sure if I emailed him back just to find out more about that!

It feels funny to be emailing someone I've never met before - I mean, I've done it before, but how much do you say or not say right off the bat? I found myself typing, and then deleting multiple sentences because nothing sounded like "me." I eventually settled with just asking him about the aforementioned professional arm wrestling, and noting a couple of key points from his (well-written!) profile that I liked. Is that lame?

I wanted to come clean right away and tell him that I had been laid off from my job a few months back, was going back to school and in the meantime would be living with my parents. But does that scare guys off the same way it does girls? Does it show a lack of ambition? I mean, I should think that the whole school thing would help to balance out the 30 and living at home issue, but you never know. This guy, while interested in some decidedly meathead activities, seems to be pretty well-educated and career minded. Will my confession that I have basically been on vacation all summer turn him off?

I guess we'll see. I will say that I like terms of endearment, but not right away, and the fact that he called me "cutie" in the initial email makes me a little bit uncomfortable. I know that's insane, but I am who I am and refrained from calling him anything in my response. I will keep you posted.

The Year of Yeah, Not so Much...

So in my last post I wrote about how I was going to just go out with anyone who asked me - because you never know who the person is. First impressions are very important, but what if the guy is having a bad day, or he just heard that an ex-girlfriend was getting married, or he is just socially awkward? I think I need to account for these things.

Cut to today: I am on my way into my part-time job at a local mall, and it's about 90 degrees out. I am required to wear all black in some format, and today I've chosen a skirt and a light top. It is NOT my sexiest outfit by far, but it is comfortable, lightweight, and fashionable so I am trying my hardest to rock it with some nice accessories and sexy make-up. I notice as I am walking into the mall that I am being checked out - scratch that, shamelessly eye-fucked - by a tall thin black man who is crossing my path. I take in his lanky frame, eyeglasses, and red and white striped shirt and immediately think to myself that if Waldo of "Where's Waldo?" fame was black, this guy would have been the inspiration.

As we are going into separate entrances, I assume that it was a harmless drive-by mind undressing and keep on walking, when I hear "Excuse me!" faintly behind me. I quicken my pacce and try to ignore it, thinking that if I can just get around Bebe, then I'll be OK. But oh no, this guy made every effort to catch up, calling "Excuse me, beautiful!!" The diva in me really wanted me to ignore this dude and keep walking, but the polite lady in me (yes, she's there) made me slow to an almost stop and half turn around. Waldo trotted over to me and said "Yo, beautiful, where you going to work looking so sexy? I want to come shop there...you so beautiful."

Now, the sentiment was nice - but something about the whole exchange just didn't sit well with me. Maybe it was the fact that after he said the above dialogue, he held his phone to his mouth and said "Yo, let me hit you back." What the hell? I don't even want my friends to see emails I write to boys I like, let alone hear me "in action." Or maybe it was his fucking WWW - Where's Waldo Wardrobe. Or maybe it was just that I didn't think he was attractive. Whatever...don't care.

The point is that I can't go out with everyone who asks me. I just can't. I have to set some rules - and then I swear, I will stick to them 100%.

Rule #1 - I will not go out with anyone who is outside of a reasonable age bracket. I have definitely been with younger guys before, but hooking up with a 19 year-0ld when you're 25 is a lot different than doing it when you're 30. And I've been with older guys as well, but when I think of anyone older than like 36, 37-ish, all I can think of is old, saggy, wrinkly balls. I am sorry - but it is true. So let's say that I will date guys who are 27-36.

Rule #2 - I will at least respond to everyone who emails me via match.com. Even if we don't hang out or date, at least I (kinda) gave them a chance.

Rule #3 - I will not respond to dudes who send me any kind of dirty messages. I love dirty talk, sexting, etc - but in the initial communication? You'd better be fucking hot to have that kind of nerve, but you'd be better off directing it towards girls who wear mini-skirts and no underwear or heavy liquid eyeliner.

Rule #4 - I will only go out with guys who I am physically attracted to. I can't be dating any guys who are not appealing to my eyes. Period.

With rules in place, I actually feel a little bit better about this endeavor. I can't go from being ridiculously picky to having absolutely no standards. Today was my first live day of this online dating scene and I cannot wait to see what I will have in my lap in the a.m!

"The Year of Yes"

I have to admit that part of the inspiration for this blog came from two things - the film Julie & Julia, and a book called "The Year of Yes" by Maria Dahvana Headley.

My parents have always encouraged me to develop the things that I am good at - and I think, to be honest, that the only honest-to-goodness God-given ability that I possess is writing. I love to write, have always loved it, and I think that I am pretty good at it. Do I think I am the best I could be? No, because I don't do it often enough. But when I do sit down and put pen to paper, or in the case of the last 7 or 8 years, fingers to keys, it is almost therapeutic. I purge feelings that I might typically keep bottled up through my writing, and sometimes I even come up with solutions to my own problems. So that brings me to blogging - it's like a live diary that you can share and receive feedback about, usually from strangers - and something about that is very appealing to me.
If you haven't seen Julie & Julia, it's essentially the true story of a woman who decided to cook her way through Julia Child's French cookbook and blog about it. 524 recipes, one year - and by the end of the year she felt like she had really accomplished something, and not to mention, learned how to cook. I loved the idea of a blog with a purpose - a project, and not just ramblings about what you did that day, what you ate, what shows you're watching. While I think blogs like that also have merit, I think one with a focus might be good for me.
"The Year of Yes" is a memoir of sorts that a girlfriend recommended I read because for a while, she seemed to be angry at me for being overly picky and not giving guys - guys who she thought were great but who I thought were ridiculous - enough of a chance before pitching them. The point of the book is that the writer wanted to find the love of her life, so she decided to date every single man who hit on her or asked her out for a year - cabbies, handymen, older guys, younger guys, whoever. While she did end up on some terrible dates, she also met the man she ended up marrying.

While I don't necessarily want to be in a relationship, I will admit that I am speaking as someone who has never truly been in love. I am not entirely closed off to the possibility that I may one day, or even through this process, meet an amazing guy who sweeps me off my feet and makes me question what I was thinking throughout my twenties. However, I believe this to be a slim possibility, but in the interest of keeping true to my new "project," I will do what Maria Dahvana Headley did, and go out with every man who asks me and then blog about it here. For one year.

God help me.

Dating Does Kinda Suck...

For as long as I can remember, I have been a serial dater. I love meeting new people and I love the nervous excitement of a new crush or fling. Everyone dresses nicely, they are on their best behavior and flirting (which is scientifically proven to boost your self-esteem) and of course, the free drinks and meals don't suck. (If you're a woman and you claim that you would prefer to go dutch or pay for the dude, you are a damn liar.) At first, dating is fun, and it's new and I am totally into it.

But after the first few dates is when dating starts to kinda suck. You and this other person enter this strange area where you need to decide if you're going to be in a relationship, or just stay "dating" and inevitably end up in a non-stop cycle of game playing, hooking up without commitment and all-around awkwardness. This area is the worst for someone like me. I am totally anti-games, and I almost NEVER want to cross over to the dark side - a relationship.

I hate relationships. Hate them with a passion. Everything they represent makes me cringe. I hate checking in with people, I hate them checking in with me, I hate jealousy, I hate worrying about someone other than myself simply because we are sleeping together - I hate it all, but I do love men, I do love sex, and I do love gossip. Even when it's about myself.

My twenties were full of totally ridiculous and random men, I think more than the average American woman. My love life became the hot topic of drinks and dinner with my girlfriends (who are almost ALL in serious relationships) because there was always something bizarre happening. If I wasn't dating a dude with some sort of complex, I was dating a guy with no manners, or a huge penis and no "moves", or some sort of strange fetish. While I have attempted to blog some of these experiences before, I've never been entirely consistent, and worse, I've always had to censor myself for fear that a colleague, ex-boyfriend, or family member would see something that they shouldn't. So I have decided to document my every dating move for one year, and see what happens.

I've recently moved, and in order to create some additional footfall in my romantic life - strictly for the purpose of this blog - I have subscribed to Match.com for six months. They promise that if you don't find a match within those six months, they'll give you an additional six months free of charge. (Never mind that if their service doesn't work, I'd rather get my money back than another half year of a waste of time, free or not.) This, of course, comes with a few caveats - your profile has to be visible for the entire six months and you have to send or respond to at least 5 unique emails per month. The second part seems easy enough, but let's say that after one month you meet a guy who you think is really great and after hanging out for a few weeks, you decide to make him your boyfriend, and in turn, you "hide" your dating profile. If within a couple of weeks you find out that he 1) has not hidden his own profile, 2) is seeing multiple women, or 3) he is in actuality a complete and total douchebag, and you "unhide" your profile so you can keep looking for a nice guy, you've lost the chance to get your additional six months for free. So really, you only get the "bonus" months if you don't meet anyone - at all. Ugly people rejoice! (Kidding.)

So I'm going to give it a try. The worst that can happen is I waste $120 (and anyway, that basically is what happens every time I go out in NYC or walk into the M.A.C. store). The best case is that I meet some nice guys, go on some fun dates, and possibly even get laid so I can stop being a sex camel - see www.urbandictionary.com. I am NOT looking for Mr. Right or for someone to "settle down with" - that would be completely against every fiber of my being (at least at this point in my life) and I cannot stress enough that this is an experiment/documentation of a year in the dating life of a freshly-turned-30 year-old woman with bigger goals than just wearing a white dress and having a garter publicly removed from her leg. I haven't been fully ensconced in the dating "scene" in a long time for a number of reasons, and I'm anxious to get back in the game - if not for my own wellbeing, than at least for entertainment's sake.

Stay tuned...