Ay Papi!

If you know me, you probably know that I am 50% Latina. I talk about this quite a bit, and admittedly it's semi-obnoxious. I do enjoy my Hispanic roots, and I feel the most connected to them, probably because they dominate my physical appearance. This isn't to say that I am not proud of my paternal European heritage - I just don't feel like I am as related to all the "white people" on that side of my family. Totally ridiculous, totally true.

But while I am deeply passionate about my family and the Hispanic culture, I cannot stand Latin men - in a dating capacity, anyway. I am aware that this is racism in a somewhat strange form, but nevertheless - it is what it is. I am not sure why I dislike dating men of my race so much, but I suspect that it has something to do with the way I grew up.

My mother is a beautiful - I mean truly stunning - 55 year old woman who is 100% Hispanic but also very "white" - she looks like she could be Italian or some other European race, she has no accent despite speaking fluent Spanish since she was a baby, and she likes "white" things like Suze Orman and Pilates. She was born and raised in Spanish Harlem, without much of anything, and she married my dad, a Hungarian/Italian/Austrian guy from Queens. When they were dating, they would walk down the street and be subjected to Latin men yelling at them, asking what she was doing with the "gringo," and since she was so gorgeous (even more so at 20 than now), they said nasty things to my dad. After they were married and living in the suburbs, visiting my grandmother in the old neighborhood was fun for me, but not so much for my mom. She was scared about parking the car on the street, nervous while climbing the four dimly lit flights of stairs to my grandma's apartment, and she kept her head down as she passed the derelicts who sat slumped in doorways, waiting for her to walk by so that they could leer at her or shout filthy things in slurred Spanish. I remember her grip on my hand growing tighter as she would sharply tell me to look down and not make eye contact with them. I don't know for sure that this is why I have an aversion to Hispanic men, but it's the only explanation I can come up with, especially considering that I grew up in a very liberal and open-minded household.

So what is the point of this poor attempt at self-analysis? I got an email on match from a guy whose handle included both "big" and "papi" - and he essentially personifies exactly what I mean when I say I am not into Hispanic men. He looks kind of thuggish, right down to the chin strap facial hair, and that's just not my scene. But maybe I should give a Hispanic guy a try - I mean, how bad could it be? I bet his mom cooks a mean arroz con pollo, and he might be a good dancer - a quality that is usually sadly missing from the white guys I prefer to spend time with.

Should I just go for it??