Are You Effing Kidding Me?

This project is exhausting me. Literally...exhausting me.

I just don't have the energy to try and figure out what people are thinking or why they do the things they do. And I haven't even been on a fucking date yet!

I love love love the expression, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I guess it's a little bit cynical because it's basically saying that if I am trusting enough to give a second chance, I'm an idiot. It certainly doesn't advocate forgiveness, which I think is a very important thing to be in life, but as I usually only use this expression as it applies to dating, who the fuck cares?

I gave Chincredible - Brian Kelly of West Orange - a second chance. OK scratch that - it was more like a fourth chance. He bailed on me twice because of his "leg injury" and on another occasion insulted me and made me feel like a whore. But when he emailed me two Friday nights ago at 3:30 am to apologize for his behavior, and asked me to please call him, my interest was piqued. I did not call him as he requested, but I did answer when he called me on Saturday night. I had had a few drinks and I was curious as to what he had to say. He apologized profusely for being a douche and said that it was out of character for him, as well as classless. He also told me that he really liked me, thought I was a nice girl, and really hoped he hadn't screwed things up with me. I told him that I had liked him too, and I was willing to try and have a drink or dinner with him, but if he bailed on me or offended me again, that would be it. I would never talk to him again. He said he didn't blame me, and we started to text and email during the week.

He asked me if I wanted to hang out the following Saturday (that would be this past Saturday) and I agreed. He chose a BYO Mexican restaurant and once again on the Friday night before, he told me that he couldn't wait to meet me and that he knew we would hit it off. Next morning, I texted him, asked him if he wanted to go out at 7pm to which he responded "Nah." I then asked if 7pm was too early and he said "Nah." So I asked if he didn't want to go out at all and he said nothing for almost two hours. I texted him again and asked what had changed from the night before and why did he keep doing this and...nothing. So I called him, and he sent me right to voice mail. No clue what happened, what he is thinking, what his game is - and I don't care. He is crazy obviously, and it's better that I found out now. My friends made me promise that I would never talk to him again, no matter what, because who the hell knows what kind of mental issues he has. And they are right - he was messing with me...and that's that.

Now this other guy I wrote about in my last post, who my friend "winked" at when she hijacked my match account because she thought I would like him - I have been texting a little bit with him on and off. He sent me a text two Friday nights ago to ask what I was doing that night and I said I was home bundled in sweats on the couch because I was sick. He replied that he wishes he was doing that also - he is "a great cuddler." I gagged a little bit when I wrote that. Why do guys do that? Why do they send overly familiar text messages and emails when they don't even know you? At that point we had never even spoken on the phone for longer than a second - what the fuck??

I ignored that and kind of blew off his texts for the rest of the week. I did text him back over the weekend (after Brian/Chincredible dissed me for no reason - hey, I was rebounding) and we made plans to go out for dinner tomorrow night. Keep in mind - still haven't spoken on the phone. But the latest development here is that Sunday night he was drinking and watching football all day - he texted me kind of early in the day (I was at an actual game all day, drinking as well) and said that he would call me later that night so we could discuss our date and get a little familiar with each other before meeting. I was all for that because I cannot imagine meeting a guy who I've never spoken to. What if we had nothing in common? We had only emailed once or twice before exchanging numbers and so I really have no read on him.

Well that night, he texted me at about 11pm to tell me that he wanted to call but didn't want me to hear him slurring. I asked how bad it could possibly be and he said that he had been drinking for 8 straight hours so he could only imagine. Then he sent me another text saying "I do start to get a little naughty when I've been drinking." Again - What the fuck? I don't know you, I've never spoken to you, and I met you online. Am I leaping to talk dirty to someone like this without even laying eyes on his face? No. Why not? Because I'm not desperate/outrageously horny/ridiculous. I raised my eyebrows, chalked it up to his drinking, and said that it would probably be better for us to talk the next day in that case. He agreed.

So yesterday was the day we were supposed to talk, and he texted me at around 6 to tell me he'd be home at 930pm. I told him to give me a call when he was settled. He never called. Ooook. So again, I don't want to go out with someone I have never met without at least one phone conversation. So today I called him - and he picked up and hung up! Hung up on me! On me!!

Again - WHAT THE FUCK???

I cannot believe the level of ridiculousness that I am encountering at every turn. Like I said, this is exhausting. I thought that by this point - a month and a half later, give or take a few days, that I would have at least gone on one date. But I can't seem to meet one normal person!

What do I do? Keep plugging away? Throw in the towel? This is why I hate dating - I can't be bothered with what other people are doing/thinking/feeling...and it's all I've been doing!

I need a gaycation.